I'm just me, and that's ok
Something struck me recently, you may think it should have done months ago but I've come to the realisation that I'm now classed as medically disabled and because of the extent of my injuries, I will be for life. It may have been the point when I spent 3 hours on the side of the volcano in Bali alone. You think about everything.
Unfortunately having been working in the medical industry on and off for 10 years and all of my studies concentrated on what is wrong with and what could go wrong with the human body, which you could build up quite a negative picture from.
I'm not the person I used to be, good or bad but that's the truth and something I'm really struggling with. Like I said in my last blog, I'm sure it will come. I just have to be patient. Something I'm not good at and trying to learn to be.
It's nice that I'm seen as the person I was last year. Even my dad said the other day, he doesn't see me as disabled at all “ You're just Sam”. That's really good but what you can't see through my put on persona, is I struggle every minute of every day with my injuries and I hide depression very well. This is something I have got used to doing since my mum first got diagnose.
Pretty much the whole of my working career has been geared to improving someone's ability and function. With that comes, unfortunately, stigma. There is such stigma put on a person who is disabled or has a disability. It's easier for people to put a label on something. To simplify the world and make interaction easier. Also the more you divorce yourself or distance yourself from disability, the more you protect yourself from the idea that it could happen to you but it did. It happened to me.
All those patients and clients I have been a physiotherapist or cared for, I had a large amount of empathy before but now it's increased ten fold and unfortunately through personal experience.
Just another thought that I feel is better once it's out. If you think about the same thing all the time, get it out of your head. It clears your mind for better things to enter it and helps you process your feelings. Also, it's a good record of what you have been going through.
Hopefully, my thoughts will become more positive as I improve. Watch this space.