After I had my accident and pretty much the whole of last year and the beginning of this year, I felt so very lost and thought that the person I had developed and grown up to be was traumatically gone. I actually feel I had to go through some kind of grieving process as I thought I had to say goodbye to the person I was and was becoming. I had to take time and find out who I was now, what my life was going to be about and what I had to offer people that I shared my life with. I know that this will be an ongoing process.
I had so many questions that I wanted answering but couldn’t. I was mentally so lost and didn’t know what direction my life was heading, if any. All I knew is that I didn’t want to feel hopeless, depressed, lost like I was feeling and didn’t want to only be known as “the girl that fell off the mountain” because I still wanted to be so much more even though I didn’t know I could be anything more than damaged. I didn’t want my accident and injury to define me. What I mean by that is I wanted to be seen, known, thought of as more than just that. I’m not sure when or why I started saying that but that’s ended up being my go to comment, which does the complete opposite to what I want. It’s bringing the event more to the forefront and being thought of so much more than I want it to be.
In my life, the events that have happened haven’t been small and they will have made a massive impact on the person I am but they aren’t the only things that define me and reading more about this subject I now understand this.
There are so many things that add to the person you are. How you were bought up, family, friends, hair, style, hobbies, likes and dislikes, occupation, aspirations, goals, attitude. Basically, to put it short your upbringing, experiences and decisions all add to the person you are.
“It's not who you are underneath, its what you do that defines you”
David S Goyer
I need to remember that my accident doesn’t define me but it adds to the person I am right now and I need to make sure it’s adds to the person I am in a positive light.
Since my injury, I repeatedly said that I didn’t want my injury or my disability to define me and I would say it in a terribly negative light but actually everything that has happened in my life, has helped to create the person I am right now and this will develop me into the person I am meant to be. I totally believe this.
I wish I could write a book and tell people what I’ve done to get myself out of those holes that I’ve got myself into. I haven’t always been a positive, upbeat person and I still have moments where I’m low, sad and lost but that’s allowed, I’m only human and it’s completely natural and ok to feel like that as long as it’s only momentary.
I don’t know the defining point that I stopped being negative and depressed but all I know is that I did certain things that I thought was best for me. I got into the habit of reading self development books, have a fitness regime and eating healthy.
I will continue to have goals with time constraints and I have goals that will be ongoing for my life but it's important to have goals that are attainable otherwise the risk of not achieving them will only lead to negativity and depression.
Things that happen to you, don't define you, but they do define a certain moment in your life, so when people ask why I’m hiking Everest, my response in “you fall off one, climb up another”. Before my injury I would have never wanted or even mentioned hiking let alone Everest but 2 says before my accident I just happened to be the therapist for the leader of The Adaptive Grand Slam (please check them out). Now if that isn't life placing you on a certain path and direction, what is?
With everything that has happened these past two years I've used it to change how I view and feel about myself and the "dark" thoughts are still there but getting a lot less frequent. What you need to remember is that improvement is based on 1000's of failures, big or small and what you want out of life, your aspirations will also change depending on your experiences.
What everyone needs to remember, use it as an affirmation if you need but its so important to know that nothing is permanent! There’s no excuse, situation, problem, emotion big enough not to change.
Merry Christmas Everyone