I could real off excuse after excuse about why I haven't written a blog post this year but that wouldn't be good enough and that's all it would be. An excuse. All of those so called excuses I could real off can be turned around to the one real reason why I should have written and that's I need to find time to do those things that improve my mindset. A few years back I started this blog to work on myself. Make me accountable for the actions and direction I wanted to take. Since my accident I wanted to carry that on whilst also helping anyone else that has been though a life changing situation. This year there has been a number of physical, mental and spiritual tests. Well I don't know if test is the correct term to use but it has definitely been hard to find out now where I belong in society and where I want my life to go. Prior to my accident, I always knew the direction I was taking was a path that I was suppose to go down, for one reason or another. I was so happy with the direction my life was was going.
I wish I was honestly happy with where I am now. I know that I should be proud of what I've accomplished since my accident, especially this year, but I can't say I am. I feel the adjective "proud" is something that I have never associated with or felt comfortable using for myself or being called. When you look at the definition of "proud" I do think after reading it I should use it and say that I am proud of myself and what I've achieved.
"feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated."
One thing that encompasses all these personal attributes is your mindset. I know that I have things to work on but I can definitely say, especially now after my accident, I do not have a defeatist mindset and it's really important that no matter what happens, you continue to not have one or you work on it because I believe, whole heartedly, that this is the main reason I have been able to recover like I have. These points should help to define you and how you live your life and everything that is meant to follow will follow.
* Don't blame others for your misfortunes
* Don't give up on your dreams and accept a mediocre life
* Don't act helpless and try to find a way out
* Do dream big, a vision or even an important goal
* Be passionate about your goals even if they are big ones
* Dare to be different
When I look back and think about the risk of not being a physio any more I used to be so sad so I used that as a goal of mine regardless of my injuries. Now I'm back living in London, working as an inpatient physio also incorporating exercises and rehab into my daily life. As well as this I've had some pretty life changing events this year. I will start from January.
January I returned back from 4 months in Australia seeing my dad and Sally. During that time I visited Bali, rode a horse, climbed a volcano, was able to cycle, surf, did yoga and was getting back to feeling more like myself. Those things don't seem much but remember I only have the full function of 1 arm. 3 weeks after I got back I started working as a locum physio. I thought being a locum was a good way to see if I was still able to be a physio and I could. From then on that was it. I really felt that I was getting back to "being me". During a work week I was still able to find time for my rehab which was really important.
February, I was at my friends and had a thought come to me that I will try and move my arm and I did. I could move it. The recovery was happening and all my hard work was worth it.
April I went back to what I've called "the scene of the crime". Last year, one of the guys from the mountain rescue team found me on Facebook and contacted me. Basically "hi Sam, you won't remember me because when we met you were unconscious but me and the guys got you off the mountain and took you to Innsbruck hospital". I couldn't believe it. I was so happy he contacted me so I arranged to meet up to thank them but mainly see where I was found. So he skied with me and showed me where I was rescued. I could not believe it. How did I survive?? If you follow my visual diary on instagram you will see I posted a picture of where I was found but it doesn't do it justice. All I know is that I'm so glad I have no recollection of the actual accident. Another positive that I got out of this experience is that I can still ski!
Fast forward to July. Beginning of July last year, 3 weeks after my nerve transplant surgery I tried out for the Adaptive Grand Slam. If you have never heard of it, go check it out. They are awesome guys that will not let diversity effect them and they actually use it to achieve the most amazing feats possible. Last year I was definitely not ready but it was good to be involved so this year I tried out again, this time it's for Everest. I completed it so hope to find out soon. Watch this space.
I would have never thought of being involved in something like this prior to my injury but I'm now working with what I have to the best of my ability. Even though it's a massive part of who I am now and has definitely change my perspective on "life" and everything it incorporates, even so I don't want it to define me. I don't want people to be deliberately be different with me. I want to be a likeable person and if I'm not I need to work on things. Not everybody can like you, of course but post accident I definitely have attributes that I need to work on and I will continue to do this. As well as this, I still deal daily with a fear of rejection, judgement and social isolation because I am permanently broken. I am more than ok to be on my own but maybe I'm too independent for my own good. Life, especially if you're experiencing massive highs and lows, I feel is much better shared.
I will go back to posting once a month because, if not anything else, it's important for my own sanity.
Life is one big journey and boy hasn't my path changed many a time. Make it a brilliant, challenging, diverse and awesome one. It's up to you to be happy!