I've avoided writing this month because, for many years, since my mums diagnosis, her passing and now my accident it's been a terribly negative time of year but that will never change unless I stop viewing it in a negative light. For this to happen it will take time and a lot of effort. Changing how you view things and your mindset is not easy.
A year has gone by since my accident and I keep thinking about the life I feel I have missed out on but I can't keep thinking about what I could have done this year, that will only lead to negative thoughts. What I have to do, is think about what I've achieved, where I am now.
The places I have been. The people that I've met and the person I have become and still becoming. If I really reflect on this year, since my accident, there hasn't been one negative. There has only been development of positivity and I have to continue that and the only way to do that is to have a positive mindset. Continue to visualise where you want to be, where I want to be. What is meant to be and what you want to happen will manifest but you have to keep yourself open.
The ongoing inner dialogue that is present in everyone, which I've written about before, has been an unpleasant one this year and I need to keep putting in the effort to change it. Not only I need to put the effort into my rehab for my arm and body but I need to put the effort into healing my mind to because if you think negatively it will impact negatively on how my body heals.
I need to continue to reflect on the situation. I shouldn’t forget about and pretend it didn’t happen I need to befriend the experience. it doesn't have to be seen in a negative light “If we forget what happened, we can also lose the learning that came from the experience.”
I know i will have to forgive and accept what happened for me to go on and be happy in the future and I know I will get there eventually.
One of the biggest obstacles to forgiveness is dealing with loss. Most often lost forever. In my case it is. The person I was before is gone. My life I had and was striving for is gone.
Forgiveness means first, acceptance of how things are today. not how they might have been if the accident didn't happen but how they really are today. Once I can focus my attention onto what I have today, not what I no longer have, I would have made a giant leap forward towards true forgiveness.
Forgiving and accepting is not a mental activity, it has to happen in the body and over time. Something I am learning. Patience.
What was I meant to learn from this situation? Its only a year on and i don't know yet. It might take me a while but I know for sure that i've met some of the most influential, kind, supportive and compassionate people that I could have hoped to have met this year. i've done things that I thought could have never been possible. I’m lucky which is a hard concept to accept but I am.
A disability or injury doesn't define me and it shouldn't define you. You just have to work around it like water around rocks.
Every end is a new beginning. Accept and forgive the happenings that change the path.