I don't really know how to start this post, or feel about writing it but it's something that at the moment is at the forefront of my mind and I need to get it out. It is 9 months this evening that I had my accident. Weekly, I have to go through the timeline of events, as I struggle to comprehend the happenings in such a short space of time. I feel I'm just being myself. Getting on with things and concentrating on my recovery. I have goals and I will stick to them.
When people discover what has happened and they see my progression, their response is overwhelming. To me, I'm just trying to continue to be who I was and to be honest, I do it for myself, no one else but love hearing that I'm a positive influence and help motivate people. People have even used the word "inspirational".
I struggled, still struggle to believe that I could be that word. I had to look it up.
"Inspiration, the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative".
I suppose that's why I became a physiotherapist, to motivate and inspire people to take their own health into their own hands. I wanted people to realise, you can't rely on someone else to "fix" you, you have to do it yourself. If I had waited, I still wouldn't of had an operation, I wouldn't be seeing a physio twice a week, I wouldn't be exercising in the pool three times a week and I would be still in hospital in Austria.
I still have a long way to go, physically and mentally. Recently, I've realised that I've put a massive wall up to prevent anyone that I meet, who doesn't already know me, from getting close to me. I know that the reason I do this is because I still don't feel myself. With effort, it's coming slowly. Moments appear. So I'm using my own moments of positivity.
That's what they are though, moments. I have a moment of positivity and post about it. How I'm feeling or a picture of something good that I'm doing at that moment but then it goes back to feeling that this year has felt like 9 years. I still can't move my right arm, my balance and co ordination is impaired from my head injury and the worst thing is I'm unable to work as a Physio at the moment. Moments, that I'm happy I've done something good but then it all comes back down. Back to what I have to deal with every day out of those moments.
That's why I do it. I want people to take something from those "moments" but if it doesn't last that's ok. Those moments will get bigger and eventually be how you live your life. Well that's what I'm hoping for.
I suppose that's why I'm writing these posts. As well as a way for me to get my emotions out, I want people to realise that no matter what you go through you can change the way you feel about it and how you react to it.
There is not one rule for everybody. Something that works for someone doesn't have to work for someone else. Everyone is so individual.
Live by choice, not by chance. Make changes, not excuses. Be motivated, not manipulated. Listen to your own inner voice.