I've thought about writing something like this for a while but I've put it off for a number of reasons. For one I haven't wanted to admit to myself that I was now physically disabled and I wasn't sure how people reading the post would take my opinion, but I suppose thats the main thing. Its my opinion. I'm not speaking on behalf of anyone else, it's just how I feel and the situation that I'm facing,
I want to start by documenting the definition of disability and ability:
a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities.
possession of the means or skill to do something.
Now seeing these definitions changes how I feel about the situation already. Reading the definition of disability highlights the fact that most people must be suffering in some way and be considered, by definition, as disabled.
Before me body decided to fall 50m off a mountain in Austria, there were certain times in my life where my senses or activities (by definition of disability) were reducing the ability to function. If we were going with the definition, I was mentally disabled but would have never considered it or anyone else would have thought it. I would say that most people suffer with some form of mental disability but because it isn't visible, it's ignored and the person suffering tries to go through life considering that they will manage and want to be seen as "normal" whatever normal is. That's a whole blog in itself.
Unfortunately, New Years Eve, I became physically disabled. This is the first time I'm admitting this. Now it's for anyone to read and been put out in the public domain. It's been so hard for me to come to terms with this fact. I know I'm not good with time and have no patients with myself but I suppose it's been made harder because I lived life in the fast lane and was the fittest I have ever been. Now these 7 months have felt like 7 years and I realise that I will never be the same. The whole world is upside down and I am in the middle of it believing life will never be the same again.
Daily, I have two fighting mental conundrums going on. In one respect, I want to be viewed as no different, that nothing has changed. On the other hand, I want people to understand that I can't move my right arm and my speech and co-ordination is much slower.
Take going shopping for instance, I don't want anybody to treat me differently but I feel like I want people to be a little bit more patient or understanding to the point where it makes me want to wear my arm brace. When you have something visible people act differently with you.
You could say the same for any mental disability. Take PTSD for example (post-traumatic stress disorder) many people that suffer with this condition haven't got any physical changes or have a crutch or brace but its terribly life changing yet invisible.
Lets take the other definition, ability. Anyone, absolutely everyone has ability. No matter what their disability is, this just changes the way they use their ability but they still have it. In my eyes, everything is so individual but the way you deal with thing makes all the difference.
I've decided that nothing mentally with me has changed, it's just increased. I want to work in my profession more and have more of an impact. I'm not afraid of mountains, I want to go up more and higher ones. I'm not going to suffer. I wont allow myself to. I am doing everything I can to give my body the right properties to heal in the right way but its becoming more apparent to me that good mentality its the most important thing. Having the capacity for intelligent thought is the best thing for everyone.
I have to imagine that that I'm happy and my life is going well and I am prod of my achievements so far,
Mind over matter applies more than anyone realises. Watch this space....