So I've nearly been out of the coma a month and I still don't realise what has happened to me. I remember everything, absolutely everything up till going down the mountain and I remember coming to. I also remember dreaming whilst I was meant to be in the coma, dreaming about fancy dress shops in st anton and being in the fresh prince of bel air’s swimming pool area in the bed I was in. I remember seeing my dad and thinking I was still dreaming because I haven't seen him since I was 19 but it takes the worst to make things happen but I'm glad I got to see him regardless of why he was here.
So a month has gone by and I know I'm very lucky. Lucky not to have my face damaged and still be recognised and lucky that I can still walk even though it's not easy. The worst part of me is my right arm but positive thinking is improving it regardless of how long it takes it will improve, slowly but surely it's improving. Even though being here is the best for me I hate being in hospital, anyone would but that's why I'm a Physio, so I can start and finish and not have to stay where I work. I've never been somewhere I didn't want to be, I haven't even broken a bone but I'm here and thankful, sometimes.
I forget every night that I have actually done something till I try and walk to the toilet and speak to one of the nurses. Unfortunately my speaking has been affected as well because I was going pretty fast on my bottom and broke the back of my head 4 times which resulted in a head injury, but again, I don't feel any different just my speech has been effected and getting better daily.
Today was the first time that I was allowed to walk on my own. I'll never forget how I felt, when I treat someone I will understand how important it is regardless of how insignificant it seems. It was so important for me to be able to walk on my own because it's another step to getting out of here.
I give myself goals daily. I think it's important regardless of what you're goals are. You have to know that you are improving and reaching where you want and who you want to be. When I got here I told everyone that I would get to where I want to be in three weeks. I've got one more week to go tomorrow and I'm on path. I'm not stupid. I know that some things take a lot of time and I know that my arm is going to take months but that won't stop me from setting goals. I'll continue to progress the way that no one thought I would. No one thinks I should be how I present and I will continue to make them question how they think as long as I'm around.
Every night I wish I was someone else. The nerve pain in my arm is very bad and it's getting worse but I need to think if it feels worse nightly then something is getting better. I wish I actually thought that but I don't. I just want it to stop. When I'm a therapist and someone says they have nerve pain I will believe them and take it seriously because it's uncontrollably and horrible.
Someone said the other day that things happen for a reason and it sometimes takes a while to realise the reason. It's going to take me a long time to find out the reason but I hope it's an important reason because I wouldn't have a clue why this has happened. I sometimes wish I wake up thinking I've dreamed it all and nothing ever happened to me but it did. I'm dealing with it the best anyone could.
So one more week from tomorrow. If I get better like I have since I have been here then three weeks is all I need in a hospital. Once I'm home I will still rest and take it easy but I won't get cabin fever, I don't want to crawl up the walls, I won't think about falling out of bed to give them something to work for (I won't do that) I'll love not being in a hospital. I'm here for a reason though I know that and I know I'm very lucky. New Year's Eve hasn't got me nothing will so watch this space.