What does that mean? Move like water. Recently I've come across this saying or a version of this a number of times and I haven’t really thought about it much till tonight. It has been exactly 2 weeks and 1 day since I moved out to Austria to be a seasonal physio in a ski resort. I can honestly say it feels like I have been out here for months. Now I can look at that 2 ways. One being that it feels that way because I already feel settled, or because I'm not used to the down time I'm experiencing and it feels like it's dragging. Now I don't want to come across as sounding ungrateful for this opportunity and negative but I'm just trying to put into perspective why I feel the way I do. To be honest I have a pretty good idea why and it's a number of reasons.
But first, moving like water........ Bruce Lee quoted:
“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
Being able to adapt and adjust to the environment that we become immersed in, like water in a cup, is something that I have always thought I was quite good at and it turns out I was right but what I've only just realised that it's not always a good thing, for me any way.
Back in London I'm non stop. Working 37.5 hours a week in a busy hospital. Getting up, sometimes at 5:30am to complete "miracle mornings", working then going to the gym after work, sometimes not returning home till 9:00pm and still being able to have a social life and I loved it. I loved it because while I’m busy I’m more productive and don’t have time for that running monologue in my head that tends to be destructive.
Now I know that I am a completely different person to whom I was last year as written in previous blogs of mine and the monologue holds different connotations now but unfortunately this monologue will always be there, sometimes very quiet, almost non existent but still there none the less and I think this is true for most people especially if you have gone through certin life events and experienced depression.
Right now it’s louder than it’s been in a long time because of the environment I'm in, because I have adjusted to these days of not doing much, of getting into bad habits of staying in my pj's all day and sometimes not even leaving the apartment. The rational side of my brain says that I should be enjoying this down time while it's quiet as further on into the season it won't be. It also says that I shouldn't get into bad habits and use the free time to learn German or brush up on my manual techniques or anatomy, or go for a hike or ski and explore this most beautiful place that I am in. All these things take motivation, which the majority of the time I have but to keep this going you need momentum which I completely lack. I feel this is where the emotional side of my brain takes over.
Before I came out here, I knew that if I was going to utilise this opportunity to continue to better myself and improve my mindset, I couldn't have any external worries as before. I made the decision not to get involved with everyone because if I was I would miss them and worry all the time, to pay off all debt, to cancel all the direct debits I could, to move out my home in London and put all my stuff in my grans house (thanks gran) and not to worry for one second what I was to do when the season was over, for as like water, I would just go with the flow and adapt.
WARNING crazy talk which I almost don't want to write because of how mental it sounds but it is what is happening in my life so I can't deny it.
I completely believe that this opportunity was sent to me by whatever you want to call it, be it fate, life energy, something spiritual who knows. It was no coincidence that I saw this job on the day of closing and applied for it, It was no coincidence that I got the job as I completely visualised already having it and what I visualised manifested, and it's not a coincidence, I'm not sure what to call it yet, but I was destined to fall in love with someone and I knew I had before I had even met them. As I’ve written, this is something that I thought I didn’t want while out here but I am definitely in love, more than ever before and what timing…...I’m sure life will show me the reason behind this in not to long. Well I hope so as this is one of the main reasons why it feels like I have been here for months.
I don't really want to write any more about this part of my situation as it’s not straightforward by any means and instead of being magical and exciting, which at times it is, it's becoming very damaging to me and how I am feeling.
I read recently:
"Life will back you into a corner, the only way is through. as soon as you see that you have multiple ways to have what you want, you will push through. If something gets in your way flow around it, like water"
Right here is a promise to myself, to find the momentum, to seek out environments that will be better for me to adapt to, to not get into bad habits and to settle the monologue, I feel this will be the hardest part as this is the thing that right now is completely out of my control.
What I need to remember is it's not the end of the world I feel this way as I have recognised what's going on and I’m taking action. The worst thing would be to ignore how I feel and bury my head in the sand.
Listen to what life and everything around you is trying to say. It’s directing you somewhere. You may not know at the time where and it may be completely scary and out of your control but be like water, flow and adapt to the situation and environment and find a way through or go around and eventually everything will become clear.