I have always been bad with living too far into the future, having some kind of 5 year plan mapped out of what I was going to be doing, where I was going to be and who with.
I'm not saying that it is a bad thing to have plans, events mapped out and goals of where you want to be in your career and relationships. I'm very ambitious and driven which is important for getting where you think you want to be but how do you know where you want to be if you aren't experiencing fully what's happening right now in your life. When you look too far into the future, any task can seem impossible. You have to leave room for deviations in the path. For some reason I couldn't. It would create anxiety and I would feel like a failure if it didn't work out as I had it planned out in my head.
I realised that I wasn't living for that day but my mind would always be elsewhere, either worrying about what may happen in the future or thinking about what happened in the past . I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy what I was doing and live in the moment. It's a mistake to look too far ahead.
I suppose this has developed from previous life events. So many uncertainties. Is this the last mother's day or Christmas that I will spend with my mum, When will I see my dad, will my boyfriend split up with me this weekend, again. This followed through into everyday life with contaminating even the smallest things.
Moving to London and being thrown into a whirlpool of uncertainties as described in my previous blog, increased this anxiety to great proportions to the point where there was constant white noise in my head of every worry imaginable. I didn't know whether I was coming or going, all I knew was that I had to work. So that's what I did. Went to work, came home and stay in my room till the next day.
Then as my life started to develop, small changes started to happen with my job and new friendships and I realised that my past didn't control me any more. This summer I got to the point where I was enjoying my life and unlike before, I was saying yes to new opportunities.
As I continued to say 'yes' I was experiencing how life can be when you allow yourself to be more open and worry less. Open to opportunities and possibilities that could take your life in incredible directions.
Recently I was on the train on my way to work, scanning through Linkedin and came across a job advert
'We are hiring! Physiotherapists wanted. Exciting overseas opportunity based in an Austrian ski resort'
Day of closing...........TODAY!
Normally I would have been thinking that I didn't have enough time to apply for this job. It would have taken me weeks to write a cover letter. Writing it, re writing it, getting others to proof read it, then change it again and never really be happy with the finished letter. Then updating my CV would have been a similar process but I had such a strong feeling that I had to have this job. So, within the last 10 minutes of my journey, I had written my cover letter and updated my CV on google docs on my phone and had applied.
Straight away, I could see myself on the slopes, surrounded by the most beautiful scenery all covered in fluffy snow. Not only see it but I could feel it. I can't really describe the feeling but it was like I was already there, working as a Physio, in my happy place. It was such a strong feeling.
I told everyone that I had applied for this job, then when interviews started to happen I found myself continuing to tell everyone that I was having interviews. I wasn't worrying about the fact that I might not get the job then have to tell people I didn't get it. That thought didn't even come into my head. This job was mine, I could feel it.
A telephone, face to face interview and a practical interview down and I was offered the job. I was so happy and excited about what was to come. I wasn't worrying about anything and there still aren't any worries. I'm not worried about what I will do or where I'm going to live after the season is up. I'll think about that when it comes to it and I have faith that it will work out but for now I'm going to enjoy this amazing new experience.
Now looking back, I completely went for job this on a whim. There was no thought process behind it. No worries, I just went for it. The definition of a whm is:
"A sudden desire or change of mind, especially one that is unusual or unexplained"
I've recently been looking into what a whim actually is as surely it can't just come from nowhere and be completely unexplained. I was reminded about all the times I had been away skiing. Each time I had said 'wouldn't it be amazing to be a Physio out here, I would love it. I must look into it' and then upon return home never act on it.
I have come to the conclusion that a whim is not an impulse that comes from nowhere. It's something that has been building in the back of your mind for a long time till you have the opportunity to act on it. Don't dismiss those urges, they are everything you truly desire no matter how big or small. Act on them. Each one is leverage to create a change in your life to something truly amazing.
So Im off to Austria to work as a Physotherapist in a ski resort for the season. There is nothing to stop any of us except the restraints your own mind puts up.